Sooooooo… things are pretty “heavy” (as we used to say) nowadays. So I thought that I would share a few fun stories that still have a point behind them. I’m not sure of the original source of these stories, I’ve just been collecting them for [redacted] years.

Three umpires – an agnostic, a realist, and a relativist were discussing their roles in the game of baseball.  The first umpire, the agnostic, asserts: “I calls ‘em likes I sees ‘em.”  The next umpire, the realist, says: “I calls ‘em the way they are!”  The third umpire, the relativist, says, “Hell, they ain’t nothin till I call ‘em.”

Is a “strike” a “strike” if it’s called “fair”? It depends on your general perspective about the world. Some people see the world as a set of facts; some people see the world as a set of opinions [more on this in this post].

This reminds me of the following:

A story relates that Abraham Lincoln was once asked: “How many legs does a sheep have, it you call it’s tail a leg?” He answered: “Four. Calling its tail a leg doesn’t make it one.”

The world is filled with people who mix up knowing something for naming something. I swear that “contact dermatitis” is just medical jargon for “you have a rash and I don’t know why.” And I also think that some people will leave the emergency room with a diagnosis of “hematoma” when they would never accept that “you have a bruise.”

Why can’t a Buddhist vacuum his sofa? Because he doesn’t have any attachments!

That’s just funny right there; I don’t care who you are. Not much of a deep thought there, but it reminds me of this one:

Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to a hot dog vendor and asked him to make him “one with everything”?

Okay; so how about this related story:

A Zen master was disgusted with his students’ inability to understand his teachings. So he locked himself in a hut and set it on fire, saying that he would not come out until someone stated the essence of his teaching. The students, in a panic, shouted things like: “I and the universe are one!” “Everything has Buddha-nature!” “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” All of this was to no avail. Just then, another Zen student happened to be walking by. “What’s going on?” he asked. Hurriedly, the other students told him. The new student called out: “Hey, stupid! Come out of there!” and the master came out. All of the students were immediately enlightened.

Sometimes the most obvious choice is the best. No need to over-complicate things.

One last question for you: