STOP! Before reading this entry, be sure to listen to The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald to embed the song in your head…


(Sung to the tune of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald)

Great lit-er-a-ture, we surely must abhor,

certain words the administration will sanction;

The truth of the day, the professors can’t say,

at the risk of them losing their pensions.

Everyone is let in, low retention’s a sin,

and we wonder why quality lowers;

“We all must get an A,” so the students all say,

at much risk to our sons and our daughters.

Failing has ceased, class size is increased,

so they hire another adjunct professor;

Professors they may, hearing complaints every day,

eventually give into the pressure.

Let’s put them online, everyone will do fine,

they’ll pay someone to take the course for ’em.

Though the diplomas hang high, the students just got by,

in the game to maximize income.

Everyone is the same, no one is to blame,

there is no greater or lesser.

They won’t know a thing, so include no proctoring,

or you’ll be trashed on rate my professor.

In times that are past, surely there were bad acts,

and some were really revolting.

But to see college today, I surely will say,

the changes are incredibly jolting.

But with changes profound, consequences abound,

Mortimer Adler we surely do miss him.

When this generation dies, where the knowledge resides,

comes the end of the higher ed system.